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Found! Instant and Efficient Cure for Homosexuality.

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The common drug has new-found rainbow-busting properties
Homosexuality was first removed from the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) in 1973 amidst controversy, but was replaced with "ego-dystonic homosexuality," which was highly criticized. It wasn't until 1986 when the diagnosis was removed entirely from the manual.

Countless methods have been tried to cure homosexuality over the years by some governments, health services and religious organizations, but this week in France scientists finally reached the end of an eight-year-long study researching the genetics of homosexuality in an effort to determine whether or not it can be cured.

After hours spent pouring over data from strands of DNA and looking into microscopes, as well as thorough mental assessments of both gay men and lesbian women, the leading scientist behind the research, Dr. Pierre Faux announced Monday that he and his team had at last discovered a cure for homosexuality in the common household drug, paracetamol also known as acetaminophen.

"We have run many tests over the past few years and none of them seemed to show the results we desired" Dr. Faux explained, "it was only when one of our gay subjects had a headache during a test that we gave him a paracetamol to ease the pain. Sixty minutes later he was chatting up my secretary".

"Obviously curing one subject was not proof and so we tried it on three others, each showed the same results. We're currently in the process of putting together the final file of our findings to present to the national health board for them to review. If our findings are found to be built upon substantial evidence then further steps will have to be taken to decide what to do about homosexuality in today's society. Do we live and let live, or do we turn them straight? The question would be of heated debate."

Something in the water?
Click image to enlarge
Dr. Faux and his team believe that when the drug is mixed with water from the Toulouse region, where the experiments were carried out, it creates a reaction between the molecules and minerals in the drug and the water respectively, which ultimately leads to a modification in the hormone levels of those who ingest it. This sudden rise in testosterone levels after the drug is issued to the patient triggers a modification in the levels of a newly-discovered gene the scientists are calling the Turing gene after gay scientist and computer genius, Alan Turing.

As the data from their results clearly show in the graphic to the right, the levels of the Turing gene dramatically decline below the level of balance with testosterone (required for homosexuality, marked with a green line at 3) curing the patient of their homosexuality within an hour or so, depending on the individual patient's testosterone levels.

Good news or bad?
The discovery is a blow to gay rights activists in the country who are currently in the middle of a battle for their rights. If homosexuality were curable then the government couldn't give same-sex couples special rights and should rather submit them to the nearest clinic.

The waiting list for the cure is already growing rapidly by the day and includes the head of Exodus International, Alan Chambers. The nature versus nurture debate has been going on for decades and now it seems it can all be put to a stop thanks to a paracetamol pill and a glass of Toulousian water.

As if. Get real people. This was all a joke. Homosexuality can't be "cured" because it's not a disease. Throughout the decades, many gay men and women have tried to turn themselves straight and many others have tried to do so too, such as the Nazis for example! All to no avail. No scientists have found a "cure" for homosexuality. Why? Because there's nothing to fix, so give us our rights already!
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